The Importance of Mastering the Art of the Self Portrait

This post was purely inspired by a line in Alexa Chung’s book “IT”.

This is it:

“IT’S important in this day and age to master the art of the self-portrait.”

This line really inspired me and it also got me thinking. I do agree with Alexa. I think, especially now, that it is very important to master the art of the “self-portrait,” or “the selfie.” Many people may not be comfortable with the fact that pictures of yourself in this day and age is becoming a norm now, and taking photos with your friends it too. Now this may not be a problem for you, if you’re comfortable in front of the camera, you love having your photo taken etc, etc then this new “thing,” isn’t a big deal for you. However, if you have a low self-esteem and you want to sort it out, or you really want to start taking selfies and selfies with friends, then this is very important for you. You’re sick of being that friend who doesn’t want to be in any of the group photos, or feels that you CAN’T be in them because you just have no idea how to look good in a photo.

Well, to solve this, do what Alexa just said. Master the art of the self-portrait, and the only way to do that, is to take photos of yourself. Take photos of yourself at every single angle, in different poses, front camera, normal camera, with the flash without the flash. Web cam, phone cam, CAMERA CAM. In the mirror, outside, lying down, in your bed, the camera above your head, below your head, to the side, and more.

However, I do recommend this:

DON’T EVER START THIS WHEN YOU DO NOT FEEL GOOD.

If you don’t feel good, whether that be emotionally, physically, mentally whatever. If you don’t feel good, then it will come up and show in your face. Unless you’re amazing at acting, you will not be able to fake your feelings on your face. It will show in the photos you take, and if you don’t understand that and if you have a low self-esteem with that, then you will feel awful and probably give up. So do the above, when you feel good about yourself. Your happiness will shine through and your photos, your test pictures will turn out great, even if they aren’t what you want.

So, now that we’ve got that out of the way, I suggest that when you do manage to get a great shot, save it and print it out. I personally suggest that you create some sort of photo book/album full of photos where you look great. Keep your good shots! Store them, file them properly so when you don’t feel good about your appearance one day, you can just flip to your book and look through the photos. You flip through the pages and cry and laugh at yourself and wonder why you started doubting yourself in the first place. Put the book away, and let it rest until the next time it’s needed. 

The last thing I’m going to say, before I let you go and take selfies, is that if you can’t take good photos of yourself, then get other people to take them. If your phone doesn’t have a quality camera then get a good camera. I know some people may think it’s a bit too “extreme,” to start buying expensive cameras, but this will honestly boost your own self-esteem and confidence (and I’m speaking from personal experience). Get your parents, your siblings or friends that you trust to give you honest feedback to help you get a couple of good shots. If you don’t want your friends and family to do it, get a professional photographer to do it for you. Get someone to do your makeup, or if you don’t want makeup, get your skin prepped in a spa. TREAT YOURSELF.

Also, I have one more thing. Do not stop, until you have at least five shots that you will not doubt, and that you’re truly happy with.

“Document the moments you feel most in love with yourself

     - what you’re wearing, who you’re around, what you’re doing. 

                                  Recreate and repeat.”

       — Warsan Shire

Thank you for reading, and thank you Alexa for once again inspiring.

Her instagram.

You can buy IT here.

brown 'n' gold, glow baby glow

So I have recently (well not recently but) been heavily inspired by these brown, gold, shimmery, summery looks. Natural make up, the colour brown, orange, more peach, cream and just really natural hazy colours and looks. It's been quite an experience actually. Everything I seem to want looks like a dream and I feel that my general colour palette for my LIFE is really shifting. 

I never used to think brown was a pretty colour (colourism, anti-blackness, etc) but I've really started to accept it, and all I want is brown stuff. Neutral eyeshadows, brown suede skirts, brown shirts, brown boots, brown-red lipstick brown everything.

This new change has really helped me to explore all of the new looks that I am dying to try out. Never in a million years, did I ever think that I would want to put glitter on my face, but now I do.

I also feel, that this change in my personal colour palette is present in my writing. I now have a desire to set everything in this hazy world. As if Sofia Coppola were directing it, or if all of the visuals in my writing are seen through some grainy, hazy, peach tinted lens. I feel drawn to set everything in the summer, and imagery has suddenly become incredibly important to me now. I want anyone to read my work to feel as if they have just been in a dream. Lying on a field, staring out at a glittering ocean, or playing with rosy eyeshadow and drinking champagne on a peach. Soft dusty rose, satin, browns and just the sun's glow.

It's beautiful and I just want it to hurry up and be Spring so I can start walking around in these bralettes and flowy, not very fitting dresses, and still be warm.

Do you have a personal colour palette? Is that even a thing?

I can't really express this change through the walls on my room, so I want to do it through my clothes, my writing, and my social media too (sounds trivial, I know but IT MEANS A LOT TO ME, so let me be).

Colours have a massive effect on me, which I have just kind of realised today, I think. Like properly. I'm a pretty visual person when it comes to myself and my writing. I always have photos for my work. I have a dedicated folder for photos which inspire the moods and the atmosphere I want my work to give. I think colours are very important, and they can have an effect on you.

Where am I going with this? I don't know.

Anyway, my new awareness of how much colours seem to effect me, have driven me to write a song??? Anyway, I'll share it with you guys soon.

However, the aim of this post was not to share my soon to be posted song. In fact, I don't think there really way an aim? I just made that image up above and felt the urge to write about it, and what drove me to create it.

Anyway though, do you guys think colour is important? Is it important to you, or not? IS THERE A THING AS A PERSONAL COLOUR PALETTE? I'd like to know.

Thank you guys for reading! ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

goodbye weekend

So ever since I've come back to school, I've realised that my plan of "writing every day" will not work. I wrote LOADS during the holiday. I wrote something every day. Whether it be a post, a new chapter, a song, whatever. I WROTE. Now I'm just tired, and, I feel my motivation for one of my stories declining, which really sucks because during the holidays I wrote a whole chapter plan for it. 

I guess you can say that school is kind of killing my creativity or something like that, but I can't really sit around and complain. 

I think when it comes to having to balance work and creative work, you have to be kind of structured. In the holidays I had the liberty of waking up whenever I wanted and writing till 2AM and not worrying about sleep because I could sleep in till eleven in the morning. Now I can't.

You have to find some time in the week to just dedicate to your work, which is quite hard if you're already committed to lots of things (like I am) but it's possible. Prioritise your work and get it out of the way so you can spend some study periods just working on your art.

During school, I also tend to get a little put down and start to look at my work more negatively. Maybe because I'm more tired, I don't know, but it always happens. So maybe just going over the work I've already done and reminding myself that I AM a writer will help. I mean that's what I've been doing recently and it has been working pretty well for me.

THOUGHTS ON AGEING

I've been giving a lot of thought to the topic of ageing recently, and how our society treats it. It seems to me, that there is a lot of negativity surrounding the topic of ageing. Firstly when I think of ageing, I don't necessarily think of growing up. I think there's a difference when people think the two things. "Growing up," is more for teens into your twenties and probably mid thirties. Ageing (for me) is when you hit 40, or when you have children (and you're not in your twenties or thirties). 

There is this massive romanticisation around the idea of "growing up," and getting out of that "small town," and/or "experiencing new things" and being wild and free etc. However, ageing is kind of seen as, not necessarily a bad, thing, but maybe something that should be pitied? These are just my thoughts.

There are so many creams and serums to stop wrinkles, and hide age lines and the idea of hiding your age is very popular among people. The phrase, "she looks good for her age," as in she (or him/they) looks young for their age. This implies that looking old is bad, and that is something I don't really understand.

Maybe, it's because of the idea that when you hit a certain age, you can't do certain things anymore, or you can't wear, certain things anymore, or your life becomes irrelevant and you have to give everything to the younger generation. 

All of these ideas are not truths though, and I think we should really understand that. Especially people who are getting to an age when they feel pressured into not being able to do, say and wear certain things.

When you really think about it, you can do whatever you want. It isn't against the law, for older people to go to party's and to stay out late and do things that would be associated with the activities of younger people (I'm sorry I couldn't think of any other way to phrase that!). You can do whatever you want, especially if you don't have anybody to look after but yourself.

Another thing that I want to challenge, is the idea that I mentioned earlier, about "looking good for your age," as in looking young for your age. Why does youth have to mean beauty and why is it desirable? Is it because in general, when your young you're less close to death than someone who is old, and that is something that most people want?

Why can't having grey hair be something to be proud of? Why can't having wrinkles be an okay thing? I mean it's natural and pretty much everybody will have them, so why do we always want to get rid of them and look younger?

If you want to be young again, making yourself look it won't make a difference to your actual age. 

Personally, I think that it's about how you view life. Everyone is ageing technically, and it shouldn't be something that should be seen as a good thing. Your age is just how we as people track how long we've been on this Earth, technically and all of the things (well most of them) that are associated with being young, all of those things that many people want can still be achieved in their sixties.

For example, if you take care of yourself, you can still stay out all night and have fun, or have girly evenings, or go on weekends away, travel, explore and discover when you're old. You may look a bit more lived in, but if you're content, then that shouldn't really matter should it? You can't stop the ageing of the body so you just have to accept it, in my opinion.

"Youth," can be achieved at any age (in my opinion) and I feel that the idea of "ageing," shouldn't be seen as something that isn't desirable. 

I'm not sure how to end this post, it was kind of impromptu, so I'll just say goodnight/good afternoon/ good morning and keeping on thinking and creating (no matter how old you are).

JOURNALING

I have been keeping journals since for four years now (thanks mum). My first entry was in 2011, November 26 in Waterstones. I think, that I will always keep journals. Journals have helped me to discover more about myself. They have helped me to grow, accept myself and really just track and see how my thoughts, beliefs and dreams have changed over time, which is quite a beautiful thing.

For me, journaling has been my way of really diving into myself and understanding who I am, and what I want in life. I make regular lists of my projects (stuff I'm writing usually), write my to do lists for that day, my thoughts, my dreams, my drawings and all sorts of random stuff too. 

Journaling, has really, really helped me overcome many of the difficulties girls like me face. Trying to accept and understand that your existence, your beauty, your intelligence and your art is valid. Trying your hardest to find beauty in yourself, when you cannot see it anywhere at all. It was hard, trying to draw from something that wasn't there, then seeing people, just like you hating and putting themselves down.

When people say write your thoughts down, it honestly does help. Just write down how you're feeling. Journaling allows you to be completely raw and honest with yourself. If you are worried about people reading it, then maybe just don't tell anyone that you keep a journal, and then just keep it hidden so nobody accidentally comes across it. But anyway, journals allow you to be honest. In those pages, nobody is judging you, and you can cry and wipe your tears on them, smudge the ink on them, and pour your heart and your mind into them and know that there is no judgement.

There have been many times, that I have had to do it, and after writing it down, you flip the page and start again.

I also think, for those, like me, who have very busy minds, journaling can be a good way of organising and arranging our thoughts which always seem incoherent, mad and exciting, into some sort of order. A plan, that we can actually approach. I have written out many parts of my plans for my books, first drafts of my poems, little sketches, small ideas and thoughts that I've had to contribute to my art in my journal. 

Your journal, doesn't necessarily have to be all about your thoughts and feelings, and what you did that day either. It can be a fashion journal, an art journal, and photo journal (if you prefer to express yourself through images) and much more. I kind of combine all of those and just put it in one, which makes it very fun to read back. Some entires are difficult and impossible to read back fully, but that's okay. That was before, this is now. All in all though, journals, I find, can be a great way to express, discover and reflect on oneself. It has really helped me through my difficulties and has helped me to be the more confident girl I am today.

HOW TO BE A CRAB

Now I know that you're probably confused by the title, and that is probably why you clicked on it. Well, I have a good reason to title my post "How to be crab." Crabs shed their old shell and then their new soft shell hardens. Molting and getting rid of the old shell also gets rid of those horrible parasites, bacteria and all of the other gross little animals that may have been growing on them-

Like crabs, we need to learn to be OKAY, with molting. It is very, very natural to grow and change in life. Everybody does it, the only different thing, is that some people change, mature and develop earlier than others.

During times like these, it is easy to feel like a freak, or just be really unhappy with your situation, because you want to move on, but you feel that the people around you won't get that, or would judge you for that. You may feel embarrassed for pursuing your dreams, because the people around you haven't gotten to that level or sophistication and understanding just yet.

If you feel that way, then don't be embarrassed to molt. Crabs aren't, so why should you? Don't be embarrassed to break away from the old, because you feel yourself growing, changing and developing.

Now, when you do break away, you may find yourself alone, but don't worry! It won't always be like that. The right people will come to you, and you will come to the right people. It all just takes time, but it will happen eventually, so just keep doing you. Don't be embarrassed to be a crab.

IN SUMMARY
• It is normal to grow and to want to change
• It doesn't matter if the people around you don't get it
• Just do it, and be you
• You may be alone at times but that's okay. You've got you.
• The right people will come eventually
• You will be happy

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE STRESSED

1. BREATHE

Breathe. Seriously, stand still for a moment and breathe thoroughly and calm down. Go into a bathroom stall, close your eyes and clear your mind. You won’t be able to think properly if your mind is chaotic.

2. THINK THROUGH YOUR SITUATION

Think through the problem, then map out a plan so you can deal with it. I personally have a habit of overwhelming myself (I’m sorting it out though!), other things that have a clear solution. For example, in Chemistry class, we had to sort out our folders into the correct order according to the syllabus. So I did it at home thinking I’d get it out of the way, but when I got to class, I a) found out I’d done it all wrong and b) found out that I’d manage to lose a whole section worth of notes for my exams. Now you can see why I’d be stressed. I wanted to revise Chemistry over the holidays and I’d lost half of my work and the rest was in the wrong order?! Well, I could feel my eyes stinging and I just wanted to break down and cry … but I didn’t. Instead, I breathed, calmed down, and realised that my friends were doing the same thing just in a different class. So, I photocopied their folder and managed to have a nice, neat, organised folder ready for revision during the holiday’s. You can do it too. Just think through it and keep calm. KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. 

3. TALK ABOUT IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE

If your mind is still very puzzled after trying to think for a solution on your own, talk about it with someone you trust. Your parents, your close friends, maybe even your favourite teacher. Talk about it, make it known that you are in trouble so it doesn’t pile on you and weigh you down.

4. DO IT.

 Once you have a plan, do it. Don’t put it off, just do it. Simple as that.

HOW TO NOT GET STRESSED OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE

1. DO THINGS IN ADVANCE

If you have time on your hands, and you know that in History you’ll be reading x amount of pages and writing notes on those pages, then write up the notes in your spare time. You’ll be doing something productive, and you’ll be ahead of the class. You’ll be able to ask questions about your reading and notes, and you’ll get ahead of the work. Do things in advance! It feels so good, I promise you. I once made notes in History (not even deliberately) for four weeks worth of lessons. It felt incredible.

2. STAY ORGANISED

If you’re organised, and know where things are then you won’t get stressed out looking for them. Learn how to organise your folders, your notes, your work, your everything! An organised life is definitely a happy life.

3. DON’T LEAVE THINGS TILL THE LAST MINUTE

Please, please, please don’t do this. You’re just stirring up a hot bowl of stress soup. It won’t taste good. You’ll be all over the place. You’ll be worried, tired, nervous and you’ll probably end up crying, so just do things at the right time. Try getting into a habit of doing work on the day it’s set. I try and do it, and it’s just a relief to get things out of the way.

4. DON’T KID YOURSELF

I’ve managed to convince myself that I have revised for my exams properly when I didn’t, for three years. It stopped in year ten when I realised that revising is actually necessary. Don’t fool yourself into thinking your doing excellent work when you haven’t even opened the text book. You’re just making trouble for yourself, so when the time comes to show the work you’ve done, you won’t be able to. When you do something, do it properly.

HOW TO GET OVER THINGS YOU REGRET DOING

I CAN’T HELP THINKING ABOUT IT

There will be things that you wish that you had or hadn’t done, but think about it. Is there any point in wallowing in something that you can’t change? It’s in the past, and you’re not going to be able to go back in time and change it. Instead of thinking about the things that you should’ve of done, think about the things that you will do.

When I feel myself falling back, and starting to think about that thing that I did, I just remind myself that it doesn’t matter. If it did matter, then I’d probably be dead right now. It couldn’t have been that serious. Even if what you did ended up getting someone killed, it’s in the past. You can’t do anything to change it, so why are you still thinking about it? 

Instead of dwelling, LEARN. Learn from your mistakes and know not to do, whatever you did again.

HOW TO PREVENT GETTING INTO A SITUATION WHERE I START REGRETTING

If you don’t want to regret saying something, try and think before you speak. Process what you’re about to say before saying it, and don’t just blurt it out without putting any thought into it. That can save you offending someone, or embarrassing yourself.

If you don’t want to regret not taking an opportunity, then just do what you want to do. Join the club that you want to do, instead of thinking about what other people may say. You’ll make friends when you join. If your heart is telling you to audition, or take part in something, then just do it. The only bad thing that could come out of trying, is that it doesn’t turn out to be what you thought it was - and that’s okay. At least you tried. You won’t be left wondering: “What if?”

Don't believe the hype: am i wasting my youth?

*I feel that I sound really aggressive in this and that I need to calm down

The content of this podcast wasn't inspired by LAUREN ROSE, but the idea to put it in the format of one was. I've been recently listening, and adoring VAGINA SLIMS, by Lauren Rose on Soundcloud, and I think all of you should check it out! Thanks for listening, and I hope that you enjoy my rambles. Hopefully some of it will make some sort of sense.

BUILDING UP SELF CONFIDENCE

So as we know, everybody is going through things and is on a journey. I myself am still on that journey, but I know personally, that I have come very far from where I used to be, and I feel that I am in a good position to give some advice in building confidence.

Before, when I wanted to know how to build my confidence and be happy with myself, everywhere always said "you need to accept yourself." After reading multiple articles, etc telling me to accept myself, I'd always sat back and pondered and wondered how, you did that. This is because, you can't buy something that will make, you accept yourself. There isn't any sort of set guide that will guarantee self acceptance. It's something personal and something that is always different. I was always asking the question, "but how?" How, do I do that? None of the sites helped me. Nothing that people were saying really helped me. I never stood in front of the mirror and forced myself to say that I was beautiful. I never did. I just couldn't, it felt uncomfortable. I think the reason why I, personally felt uncomfortable saying this sort of thing, was because I am quite a closed person. I keep things, personal things to myself and me saying my fears aloud so I could hear them, was a massive NO, for me. It was something that I couldn't do, and wouldn't, do.

So, instead of verbalising it, I wrote it down.

STEP ONE: WRITE YOUR PROBLEMS DOWN

I can't remember what year it was, but my mother and I decided to try and keep journals. I'm not sure if it was meant to be for the rest of our lives or for six months, but since the age of 12 (???) I have been keeping journals. They weren't necessarily meant to be some sort of outlet for my troubles and fears, just a mere project, but they turned into that. I wrote about my day, story plans, other people's secrets, my issues, what I ate that day and more, in those journals. Till this very day, I keep journals. It came to a point, where I couldn't have all of my fears and issues and insecurities floating around and screaming at me in my mind, and if they were going to stay with me and torment me, it had to at least be in an orderly fashion. So, I wrote everything down, and identified what was bothering me. I identified all of the things that made me cry, and hate myself.

For me, it was more physical things, but as I grew it became things that were part of my personality. However, at first, it was:

• Hair type

• Skin (colour)

So these insecurities started when I began secondary school, so age 11 and they pretty much carried on, until age 14 - 15. I would say 15, actually. Yes, 15. So for around 4/5 years, I had been feeling hatred for myself. Yes, I know that a lot of people feel this way for longer, but everyone has challenges, and the length of time they battle them for shouldn't count to how much those challenges count.

So hair type. This started when I became aware of the natural hair movement, which was probably just before my twelfth birthday. I became aware of how to take care of my hair, and I was on all of these natural hair websites. Basically, the problem was, was that I didn't see anybody with 4c/4b hair. I saw type three naturals, but no type 4b/4c. It was dreadful. It pretty much came to a point, that I was willing to cause heat damage to all of my hair, to achieve that "loose wave." Why? I never saw my hair shown in good light. It was nowhere to be seen. Nobody I knew, knew how to take care of it, I had no friends who had hair like me either. I was desperate to fit in.

Good thing I didn't though.

Before I got to that point of damaging my hair, I found the channel, urbanbushbabes. It was literally a miracle. It saved my hair, and my self esteem of my hair. One of the women, is called Cipriana, and she has the most luxurious of 4C hair I has ever seen in my life. She also has a twin, TK Wonder, who also has amazing 4C hair. All I needed was to see her, and I never hated my hair again.

Now, the skin colour wasn't so quick, and that carried on all the way till 14/15. I'm not really sure how, I managed to break from that cycle of hatred for my skin, since there was a point, where I actually went to a shop, to buy Vitamin C tablets, to raise the Glutathione levels in my body to decrease the amount of melanin I produced. I am not sure if that is even correct, but that is what I believed at the time, and I was going to do it. The only thing that stopped me, was the fact that I didn't have enough money, and by the time I did have enough money, I started to break free. I feel, I honestly feel that it was when I saw Lupita, just last year, winning an oscar, was when I actually started to feel comfortable. Luptia, Naomi, Alek, Grace, Kerry, Iman, Grace Jones and many more. I started to really pay attention to the few black women who graced the media. It was hard, since I had had Tumblr since year 8, and I had that kind of "hipster" blog, which basically my dash was completely drowned in pretty pictures of white girls, but no black girl in sight. It didn't help that I had no one, no friends who looked like me either. I honestly love my friends to death, but they could have never comprehended all of the things I was going through, because it was just there for them. They were spoiled for choice, by the type of "white girl," they could identify with in the media. Me? Maybe two? And are they as glorified as the lighter skinned black women? Nope. Not at all. Where is Kelly? Where is Michelle? I think Beyoncé is great, but I don't need, Beyoncé. I need Kelly, because out of the three, that is the closest one I look like. But where is she?

STEP TWO: TAKE PRETTY PHOTOS OF YOURSELF, PRINT THEM OUT AND STICK THEM DOWN

Early last year, 2014, I noticed that I had literally no photos of myself. I never took photos of myself. I never knew how, I never felt comfortable with looking at my face for such a long time. I hated how I looked in mirror selfies ... it was awful. So, as a project, since I got in early into school, I took the occasional selfie. It was quite sporadic at times, but NOW, I take them all the time, AND I keep them, AND I post them and print them out. I have so many photos of myself now, I even have sessions where I take them. You know why? Because I believe that it's healthy. You need to have photos of where you look good, so you can remind yourself of how amazingly attractive you are. Yes, you're single and aren't conventionally attractive but that doesn't mean that you aren't. I also feel, that forcing selfies, aren't good. Look, if you don't feel, good, then it isn't going to show up in the photo. It just makes you feel even worse, because you can't even take a good photo. Well of course you can't. You feel awful, so you're going to look awful. You probably don't look too great when you have the flu and have a bunged up nose, so why would you look good when your mental state is feeling a bit icky too?

STEP THREE: TALK TO SOMEONE

Another thing that I did, was speak to my mother about it. I never talk to friends about my problems. I may do in the future, but at the moment I just won't. I just feel uncomfortable doing it, and to be honest, that's okay. I feel that there is this pressure, that you should share all your things with your friends. Maybe I'm the only one who feels it, maybe I'm not. I don't know, but that is something that I feel, and it shouldn't be that way. I love my friends to death, but that doesn't mean I have to tell them anything. Even my close friends, I don't have to tell them anything. I do feel though, that when you are going through this journey, there should be someone that you talk to. It honestly helped me so much to have someone to talk to and hug and discuss my issues with, since paper doesn't talk back. Writing things down only helps to an extent. All of these things only help to an extent, and it is important that you have multiple things, helping and holding you up, so you don't become too reliant on one medium to help you in your growth of self confidence.

STEP FOUR: KEEP GOING

I think the last thing that I've been doing, is to keep going in life. Keep on studying even if you feel dumb, keep smiling if you feel bad, then go and cry and talk with your outlet at the end of the day. Keep taking photos even if you feel good one day and feel bad the other. Keep slowly forcing yourself to do what you want and being yourself (since I see being yourself, as doing what you want and expressing yourself however you feel - within boundaries and limits of course). KEEP GOING. You have to. Don't look back, just keep on moving. Things will change in the world that will give you a boost, things will happen in the world that will set you back a bit, but just keep going. Keep on living, understand that things will change. If you want to change something about yourself then do it, if you want to accept it as how it is, then do it. Just keep going. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

Sometimes you need to do something to express yourself. Make some art. Draw, write, sing, dance, solve an algebraic equation. Anything that you use to escape and get out of the world of self hate, before you are ready to deal with your problems is always okay.

THINGS YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU'RE TIRED

Have a warm bath or shower

Baths are the best. You can fall asleep, lie in the water whilst listening to music. Light candles, read a book, see how long you can hold your breath for … it’s great! I for one, love, baths. Whenever I’m incredibly tired, I just run one. I have a quick shower, then hop in and soak myself for about three hours. It relaxes the muscles, it’s a great place to reflect and you really feel good afterwards.

Sleep

The obvious is sleep. Don’t put off sleep if you can’t even open your eyes properly. Sleep when you really need it is just amazing, and when you wake up afterwards, you’ll honestly feel so much better. If you have difficulty sleeping, what I suggest you do is pretend you're asleep, and then trick your body into falling asleep. Play music that calms you down, and if you're really having trouble, watch films, or read a book until you cannot physically open your eyes.

Mentally tired? Watch your favourite film or TV show

I am very picky with my films and TV shows, so when I’m watching a show or film, I absolutely love it. It takes my mind off of things and I always get into it, and it makes me forget about what was draining me before. Seriously, go and watch something that will make you happy.

Read a good book

One of my favourite books, is The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. I never really reread books, but if I want to go back to something familiar, I would always go back to this one. There’s just something about the way it’s written, that just makes me smile. So, read a book you love. Or, start that book you were meant to finish three years ago.

Treat yourself with something you love

Whether that’s going out for an intense run, or curling up in a ball and re-watching Gossip Girl. Do something that you know, will make you happy and refreshed.

Write something, or do something creative

Like the book or the TV and film, you just need to get your mind off of that mental leech that’s in your brain. If I don’t want to watch or read anything, I’d just put on some music, then either write in my journal, write more of my story or make a sort of collage. It is a really nice feeling to produce something after you’ve been feeling awful in your mind.

Listen to a playlist with good lyrics

When I’m mentally tired, or just tired in general, I tend to like to fall asleep to music that has lyrics that I can really take in. So none of that 7/11 stuff, but more Satellites. Here’s my playlist:

sleepy playlist

• asleep - the smiths

• satellites - beyoncé

• go to heaven - the pierces

• pawn shop blues - lana del rey

• could it be another change - the samples 

• the power of - the pierces

• honey - best coast 

• video games - lana del rey

• disappear - beyoncé

• loving me 4 me - christina aguilera

• nothing - teen suicide

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE SAD

Listen to happy music

This is something I will never understand, and that is when people are sad they listen to sad, music. Doesn't that make you even more upset? When I am upset, I listen to happy music. If you don't have a playlist which consists of your favourite happy song, then make one. If you don't have, any uplifting and happy music, GET SOME. The music you listen to affects you. If you listen to angry music, you'll become angry. If you listen to happy music, you'll become happy. Those lyrics that get stuck in your head all day do affect you. Listen to happy music when your sad.

Sleep

Sleeping helps. You can cry yourself to sleep whilst listening to the most upbeat song in the world. You can eat yourself to sleep, sing yourself to sleep, talk yourself to sleep … just make sure you sleep. Sleeping refreshes your mind. Once you wake up, you'll feel more motivated to tackle that thing that made you upset. Whenever I'm sad, I sleep. Sleep those sorrows away.

If you need to cry, then cry

Crying helps. Screaming into your pillow helps too. When I'm sad I usually cry myself to sleep whilst listening to Britney Spears. That's a joke, but crying isn't. If you feel you need to let it all out through tears, then do it. 

If you don't want to cry, then talk

There are many times where I've sat on my own just talking. Talking about how I'm feeling to no one. Just letting out my feelings through speech. Sometime's I'm crying and talking at the same time. It doesn't matter. Let it all out. Talk to the wall, talk to yourself, talk to your mum, talk to your friend, talk to your teddy or your brother. Just talk about your feelings, then maybe go to bed.

If you don't want to talk, then write

If you don't want to seem "crazy," then write your feelings down. Tear up the pages with your pen, drag lines across it. It doesn't matter if your handwriting is shaky, and it doesn't matter if your tears blur the pages. Write it all down. Write everything, down. Don't lie, to yourself. Write it all down, then go to bed.

Watch a film

Sometimes you need to get your mind off of things. I would write my feelings down then watch a film. Or a TV series, or go on YouTube. Either way, watch something to get your mind off of things. It helps a lot, and sometimes, it gets your head into a better perspective so you can deal with that issue.

Hang out with someone

Be it your mum or your boyfriend. Hang out with a bung of people who make you happy. If you've just finished crying and your friend asks you out, sometimes you should just say yes. You don't have to tell them what's up, you just need to be there. Sometimes, their stupid joke can make you ask yourself why you were upset in the first place. Laughter takes the pain away.

Eat

Sometimes eating a good pot of chocolate ice cream, then falling asleep does the trick. Some people don't like to eat when they're sad, but I personally do. Eat something that you want, to eat. If you're on a diet, then shove all of that healthy stuff to the side, and indulge in all the chocolate you want, then after sleeping have a nice little detox drink.

Find out WHY you're sad

I don't know why this isn't first, but it should be. You can only deal with your problem, if you know what the problem is. My talking, or writing will help you find out why you're sad, but you need to know why you're sad. If you don't know, then do some of the things above and then try to find out what's getting you so down. If you do, know then sort it out and reward yourself.

Other things you can do:

- Go for a walk

- Do some exercise

- Play with children

- Hug someone you love and trust

- Hug yourself

- Read a good book

- Wear something you love

ATTRACTIVENESS IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about "beauty," and being "attractive," and I've come to the conclusion, that beauty isn't in the eye of the beholder.

Beauty - Everybody is beautiful. This is because beauty isn't just to do with physical appearance. Beauty is your personality, the way you look, the way you act around people, your passion and everything about you all together to make you. That is what makes you beautiful. You being you. However, even though everyone is beautiful, not everybody finds your beauty attractive.

There is the difference. Everybody has beauty, but not everyone is attracted to that beauty. However, even though that is the case, that one conventionally attractive person not finding YOU attractive doesn't immediately make you unattractive. One person's negative opinion of you doesn't decide who you are.

Now, I personally believe that everybody is beautiful. Everybody is beautiful on the outside and on the inside. Someone in this world will think you're beautiful, and you just being you makes you beautiful too. However, even though I think everyone is beautiful, I don't find everyone attractive.

I personally think that the saying "beauty is in the eye of the beholder," is slightly misleading. This is because YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. EVERYONE, is beautiful. Attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, not beauty. Nobody other than you can decide whether you're beautiful or not, and it is up to understand that even though not everyone will find you attractive, that fact doesn't change the fact that you are.

So to put this simply: Everybody is beautiful. However, everybody won't find your beauty attractive to them. However, others not finding your beauty attractive to them, doesn't make it unattractive to all. It is up to you to decide whether you're going to accept that though.

FOR YOU
What do you think about this? Do you think the word beauty and attractive can be interchangeably? Or are they completely different? 

HOW TO LOVE YOUR OWN COMPANY

I personally love my own company. I think I’m one of the funniest people on this planet and I feel no shame in laughing at my own jokes, because I am hilarious.

Just joking.

Actually no I’m not. It’s important that I feel that good about my humour, it’s healthy.

Anyways, what I was going to talk about in this post, was about enjoying yourself and being happy with being alone. I think that it’s so important, to not have to rely on others to make you feel happy. There will be times where you’ll be on your own, and I have to tell you that you need to learn to enjoy being by yourself. I personally love being on my own. I love being able to just take walks on my own, go on my own bike rides and explore things by myself. I like to go shopping by myself, eat in cafes by myself and do a lot of things by myself. That doesn’t mean that I don’t like hanging out and doing all these things with people. No, I love being with people, but I equally enjoy being by myself.

So, if you’re wondering how on earth you’re going to learn to love your own company, then I will tell you now, that you don’t need to fear any longer. I am going to present you with some tips, to be able to enjoy your company as well as other people’s:

1. Make sure you’re comfortable with yourself

Please tell me how on earth you’ll be able to hang out with yourself, when you can’t even stand yourself. If you don’t like who you are, then you will not like hanging out by yourself, because you’re the only person you’re going to be with. Take time to explore yourself, and learn to love yourself. If there is anything you dislike about yourself (e.g., your attitude, patchy skin, the way you dance), then CHANGE IT (safely of course).

2. Actually start doing it

Once you are comfortable with yourself, then go and hang out with the awesome person that you are. Go and see a film on your own, go for a walk with some music pumping itself into your system. You are not a loner. I really hate that pathetic, petty term. It’s so stupid, and I just scowl whenever someone uses it, because someone decided that they didn’t want to take their friend to the bathroom. You are not weird, you are not strange or uncool. You are just taking some time to breathe. That, is all.

That is pretty much it. Now, go and spend some time with yourself:

1. Go to the cinema and watch a film

2. Go for a walk in the early morning, late afternoon, evening

3. Take some pictures

4. Go and take yourself out to eat

5. Sit in your room and reflect

6. Have a movie night on your own, and laugh and laugh and enjoy your laugh

7. Go and shop, and enjoy how you don’t have to worry about taking to long, or that you don’t have 

to wait around for another two hours.

8. Go out dancing

9. Explore the town, find out something new by yourself

10. Read in a cafe and observe people. Watch how others are alone, too and how it isn’t actually as weird as you thought it was.

5 WAYS TO BEING YOURSELF

The key to being happy, is to be yourself. Here are some tips that will aid this journey of self discovery.

1. FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE.

You can't be yourself, if you don't know who you actually are. Take time to think about everything that you, enjoy. If there is a club that you're doing, figure out if you're doing it because you want to, or because your friend, wants you to. Are you taking a subject because you, want to, or because your parents, made you take it.

There is a difference between doing some and not liking something now but knowing it will benefit you in the future, and doing something that you know won't benefit you in the slightest.

Figure out your interests, your goals, your music taste, what you like to wear - then write it down and act on it. Once you do, you'll see how different and how unique you really are. You're not as boring as you think you are. Trust me.

2. GET RID OF TOXIC PEOPLE.

Once you've figured out who you are, you need to take a step back and figure out if the people around you will support that. If you have anyone, who discourages you becoming self confident and being who you are, then you should cut them out of your life immediately. This can be very hard, since this can sometimes be someone who you considered to be your best friend. Maybe even a parent. Has anyone seen the The Vow? There's a good example of the parents not supporting their child's talent. Once you've surrounded yourself with people who support you and encourage you to be who you are, it'll make it easier to grow within yourself and be the best that you can be.

3. WRITE THINGS DOWN.

You have already sussed out your basis and you've cut out the people who don't support you so you have a good ground. However, there will be days where you doubt yourself. This step is completely optional, in fact, all, of this is optional but I do strongly advise that you keep some sort of journal. A journal isn't just a "girl thing" boys can and should keep journals too. Write down everything. Keeping a journal is a good way of self discovery and becoming true to yourself. I've found out a lot about myself by keeping a journal and reading through previous journals. It's a good way of expressing your true self. Decorate it who you want. It doesn't matter if the themes change. Keep it real.

4. DON'T FIXATE ON THE PAST.

You're know what you like, you're getting to know yourself even more with the encouragement of good friends and family … so why are you looking back? Don't look back at the past. That isn't you anymore. Just because you were lazy a year ago, doesn't mean you're lazy now. You've changed for the better and that's all that matters. Yes, those things did happen and you were that person, but that doesn't matter anymore. If you keep looking at the past whilst trying to go forward, you won't ever make it anywhere and you'll be stuck. You have to make a choice to accept the past, and keep moving. Otherwise, it'll hold you back.

5. DON'T COMPARE YOURSELF WITH OTHERS.

This is one of the worst things you could do. It creates a space for self doubt and it will throw you all the way back to where you started. It'll make you insecure again and ruin all of your hard work. Don't compare yourself with others. The only thing you'll get out of it is pain and tears. You'll never feel good enough, because you can never be that other person. The only person you can be is yourself.