new things & new knowledge

So my school is strange and I'm having half term this week instead of last week (has this happened for anyone else? UK people). Anyway, I'm glad to say that this year isn't going too badly (for me) at all.

I've been reading SO MUCH, like way more than I did last year which is amazing. Despite this, I haven't finished ORANGES ARE NOT THE ONLY FRUIT, since I've just been jumping around between lots of different books (which doesn't make me anxious anymore which is good good good) and I'm happy that I've been spending time feeding my mind with knowledge.

Another thing, anyone have any remedies for ECZEMA?? I want to start putting good things on my skin and in my body (I am now a vegetarian!!!!) and I don't want to use steroid cream from the doctors if I don't have to. I'll do more looking around but any suggestions would be great.

I've also been very inspired lately and I have written a few poems and I'd like to share one with you (please bear with me, as I've only just recently started writing poetry. I've always been more of a novel kind of gal):

conflict

i want to live, i want to die,

i tell you my conflict isn’t a lie.

one day i’ll water my flowers, let them bloom,

come from my mouth.

then i will take away their life line, and rip

them from the ground.

NO HELP LINE, NO LIFE LINE, NO RIGHT WORD, NO NICE RHYME.

writing it down on paper not my heart,

passion burning but drinking water non stop.

i have HOLES in my flesh and

CRACKS in my lips.

but i still sharpen my nails to puncture my skin.

rip out my ribs, throw them away,

then cry that my heart is ruined and stained.

why was i born into a critical mind,

why can i live in ignorance with the truth in front of my eyes.

I seem okay, during the day.

Like I have something real to say.

But then I feel an overwhelmingly heavy feeling of dismay

when I laugh.

I DON’T WANNA TO FEEL THIS WAY

                                                                    

                                                                      i don’t want to feel this way

_____________________

So that is something that I have been working recently. I think that last thing that I would like to share with you all is a haul. I don't think I've ever done one on here but I think it would be nice. So here are some things that I've bought!

*materialismmaterialismmaterialismmaterialismmaterialismmaterialism*

• Vistaprint t shirts (including stories behind them, e.g. malboro is inspo from anajah)

*You may not believe me but I do not smoke. I saw icecreameaterrr with a shirt like this though and I was INSPIRED to design something similar!!!

baby necklace from etsy

And a whole load of books to help figure out my faith lol

sweaty, 70s mermaid

The heat from the sun made my sight kind of blurry, and those silver stars that you get from spinning or dancing intensely suddenly filled my eyes. The four of us, us mermaids floated into the corner shop and I felt my body scream in thanks, to the coolness of the tiny shop. It was cinematic in a sweaty, 70s kind of way, and we took our time picking packets of food and putting them into our basket. Sienna’s dress still billowed and fluttered occasionally, and I could only imagine how hot her feet were in her heavy boots. My fire coloured dungarees floated with the flow of the breeze from the fan on the ceiling. The sweat patches which had crept from underneath Carrie's arms and into the rest of her tight T shirt, had begun to retreat back where they’d come from and the white cotton dress which Olivia had been wearing, flew up occasionally, as a gust of hot air filled the aisles of the shops and lifted it up, every time someone else opened the door. Four beautiful girls and I was actually one of them this time. I felt like my life was some sort of film … that I’d turned my life into the films and the lives of others, which I’d often immerse myself in. It was a serene feeling, a glimmer into what more of my days would be like, and I couldn’t wait to experience the rest of it.

__

Just an excerpt of something I wrote, which I thought was really nice and that I wanted to share with you all x

LAZY DAYS: a piece written by me

I am so disappointed that I lost the story behind this cover.

So this is something that I found in the depths of my laptop and did a bit of rewriting. I'm really nervous about showing you guys, but I'll think it'll be okay. I'm going to try and make this a constant thing and occasionally share my work with you and also hopefully share the work of others too! Anyway, this is a piece that I wrote when I wanted to get back into writing.  I'm hoping to write something much longer than this, but with similar vibes. I'd love to hear your thoughts, and the vibes you get from the overall piece. Also, feel free to point out any mistakes and make criticisms, I always want to grow. 

goodbye weekend

So ever since I've come back to school, I've realised that my plan of "writing every day" will not work. I wrote LOADS during the holiday. I wrote something every day. Whether it be a post, a new chapter, a song, whatever. I WROTE. Now I'm just tired, and, I feel my motivation for one of my stories declining, which really sucks because during the holidays I wrote a whole chapter plan for it. 

I guess you can say that school is kind of killing my creativity or something like that, but I can't really sit around and complain. 

I think when it comes to having to balance work and creative work, you have to be kind of structured. In the holidays I had the liberty of waking up whenever I wanted and writing till 2AM and not worrying about sleep because I could sleep in till eleven in the morning. Now I can't.

You have to find some time in the week to just dedicate to your work, which is quite hard if you're already committed to lots of things (like I am) but it's possible. Prioritise your work and get it out of the way so you can spend some study periods just working on your art.

During school, I also tend to get a little put down and start to look at my work more negatively. Maybe because I'm more tired, I don't know, but it always happens. So maybe just going over the work I've already done and reminding myself that I AM a writer will help. I mean that's what I've been doing recently and it has been working pretty well for me.

A POEM BY ME

A BIT OF BACKGROUND

So guys, I wrote a poem (which doesn't have a title yet)! It's based off of a short story I wrote when I was around 14 probably. Anyway, it is so badly written but when you create characters, no matter how cheesy their story is, you never stop feeling for them. The girl in this is called Payten (the first POC that I ever created and wrote) and the boy is called Noah (he is the narrator of the story and this poem).

________________________________________________________________________________

And since I couldn't have you, due to the cross round your neck,

I cherished every ounce of love you were willing to give me.

When you smiled, I kept that light.

Wrapped it round myself, let it cover my skin,

For those nights when I remembered I missed you.

I recorded our conversations in my mind.

Replayed the best parts like a favourite song.

Mine was something by the Beatles, and yours was something different every day.

I treasured the time when I finally kissed you,

and when for one moment, you fully let me in

When you took my hand and stared into my eyes,

I knew that our end was near.

I could see it on your chest,

Forming in your eyes,

And spilling down your cheeks,

I remember that touch though.

The warmth of your hand,

The meaning, of your lips-

And I know that some nights,

Wherever you are,

You still think of me, like this.