THE UK

This post is not about Brexit. Yes, I'm mad, but at the same time, I'm tired of complaining about it and I want to move on! It's done. It's happened! We just have to work our way around another obstacle. We've done it before, we can do it again (I know that sounds insensitive but yeah okay).

This post is about creative people in Britain. Sometimes I feel that the UK is second in the creative process. Like, first it's America, and then it's the UK. You don't really see things popping out from the UK until later on, or, you have to dig really deep to find them. And then when you're trying to find creating POCs in the UK it's even harder. I don't know, I just feel we don't get coverage, and it's not because I feel America is stealing anything, I just feel that it isn't shouted out about as much. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's just where I live and what I'm seen (or not seen), correct me please!

Another things that's been troubling me is my life. I want to write things and make things and have shops and businesses and just live a creative life, but the way the world is going it seems that my goals are becoming more and more unattainable. Or, I'll just finally achieve them when I'm like, 65. You need an online presence, a substantial amount of followers, good looks, etc and sometimes ... sometimes I feel that if I don't gain any of that quickly I won't make it.

I know it's kind of foolish to think that in a way, since many people achieve their goals without having a major following count online. Social media isn't the only way, but it does seem to be the way in which many want to go.

Another thing, is that I feel that more and more people are reading less. I know that people will always read, but it's kind of hit me, that I am going into something, that is losing more and more popularity. The groans and moans I hear when people are asked to read disheartens me, and the idea of never holding a physical book again frightens me. Endless projects, ours and ours wasted, when I could have done something more secure instead.

I have all these fears, all of these worries and try to imagine myself being an American, rich, white girl living in LA who wants to be a mechanical engineer, or a doctor and it makes me kind of cringe. Not that these types of girls are awful, they're not. But me, doing science, and ... just ... no. I am who I am and I am happy that way, even though my future isn't as solid as it could be.

I've touched on so many things in this, but whatever, I'm a jumpy person. I've just been thinking a lot in the dark and this is what I came up with.

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU'RE STRESSED

1. BREATHE

Breathe. Seriously, stand still for a moment and breathe thoroughly and calm down. Go into a bathroom stall, close your eyes and clear your mind. You won’t be able to think properly if your mind is chaotic.

2. THINK THROUGH YOUR SITUATION

Think through the problem, then map out a plan so you can deal with it. I personally have a habit of overwhelming myself (I’m sorting it out though!), other things that have a clear solution. For example, in Chemistry class, we had to sort out our folders into the correct order according to the syllabus. So I did it at home thinking I’d get it out of the way, but when I got to class, I a) found out I’d done it all wrong and b) found out that I’d manage to lose a whole section worth of notes for my exams. Now you can see why I’d be stressed. I wanted to revise Chemistry over the holidays and I’d lost half of my work and the rest was in the wrong order?! Well, I could feel my eyes stinging and I just wanted to break down and cry … but I didn’t. Instead, I breathed, calmed down, and realised that my friends were doing the same thing just in a different class. So, I photocopied their folder and managed to have a nice, neat, organised folder ready for revision during the holiday’s. You can do it too. Just think through it and keep calm. KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON. 

3. TALK ABOUT IT WITH SOMEONE ELSE

If your mind is still very puzzled after trying to think for a solution on your own, talk about it with someone you trust. Your parents, your close friends, maybe even your favourite teacher. Talk about it, make it known that you are in trouble so it doesn’t pile on you and weigh you down.

4. DO IT.

 Once you have a plan, do it. Don’t put it off, just do it. Simple as that.

HOW TO NOT GET STRESSED OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE

1. DO THINGS IN ADVANCE

If you have time on your hands, and you know that in History you’ll be reading x amount of pages and writing notes on those pages, then write up the notes in your spare time. You’ll be doing something productive, and you’ll be ahead of the class. You’ll be able to ask questions about your reading and notes, and you’ll get ahead of the work. Do things in advance! It feels so good, I promise you. I once made notes in History (not even deliberately) for four weeks worth of lessons. It felt incredible.

2. STAY ORGANISED

If you’re organised, and know where things are then you won’t get stressed out looking for them. Learn how to organise your folders, your notes, your work, your everything! An organised life is definitely a happy life.

3. DON’T LEAVE THINGS TILL THE LAST MINUTE

Please, please, please don’t do this. You’re just stirring up a hot bowl of stress soup. It won’t taste good. You’ll be all over the place. You’ll be worried, tired, nervous and you’ll probably end up crying, so just do things at the right time. Try getting into a habit of doing work on the day it’s set. I try and do it, and it’s just a relief to get things out of the way.

4. DON’T KID YOURSELF

I’ve managed to convince myself that I have revised for my exams properly when I didn’t, for three years. It stopped in year ten when I realised that revising is actually necessary. Don’t fool yourself into thinking your doing excellent work when you haven’t even opened the text book. You’re just making trouble for yourself, so when the time comes to show the work you’ve done, you won’t be able to. When you do something, do it properly.

HOW TO GET OVER THINGS YOU REGRET DOING

I CAN’T HELP THINKING ABOUT IT

There will be things that you wish that you had or hadn’t done, but think about it. Is there any point in wallowing in something that you can’t change? It’s in the past, and you’re not going to be able to go back in time and change it. Instead of thinking about the things that you should’ve of done, think about the things that you will do.

When I feel myself falling back, and starting to think about that thing that I did, I just remind myself that it doesn’t matter. If it did matter, then I’d probably be dead right now. It couldn’t have been that serious. Even if what you did ended up getting someone killed, it’s in the past. You can’t do anything to change it, so why are you still thinking about it? 

Instead of dwelling, LEARN. Learn from your mistakes and know not to do, whatever you did again.

HOW TO PREVENT GETTING INTO A SITUATION WHERE I START REGRETTING

If you don’t want to regret saying something, try and think before you speak. Process what you’re about to say before saying it, and don’t just blurt it out without putting any thought into it. That can save you offending someone, or embarrassing yourself.

If you don’t want to regret not taking an opportunity, then just do what you want to do. Join the club that you want to do, instead of thinking about what other people may say. You’ll make friends when you join. If your heart is telling you to audition, or take part in something, then just do it. The only bad thing that could come out of trying, is that it doesn’t turn out to be what you thought it was - and that’s okay. At least you tried. You won’t be left wondering: “What if?”

BUILDING UP SELF CONFIDENCE

So as we know, everybody is going through things and is on a journey. I myself am still on that journey, but I know personally, that I have come very far from where I used to be, and I feel that I am in a good position to give some advice in building confidence.

Before, when I wanted to know how to build my confidence and be happy with myself, everywhere always said "you need to accept yourself." After reading multiple articles, etc telling me to accept myself, I'd always sat back and pondered and wondered how, you did that. This is because, you can't buy something that will make, you accept yourself. There isn't any sort of set guide that will guarantee self acceptance. It's something personal and something that is always different. I was always asking the question, "but how?" How, do I do that? None of the sites helped me. Nothing that people were saying really helped me. I never stood in front of the mirror and forced myself to say that I was beautiful. I never did. I just couldn't, it felt uncomfortable. I think the reason why I, personally felt uncomfortable saying this sort of thing, was because I am quite a closed person. I keep things, personal things to myself and me saying my fears aloud so I could hear them, was a massive NO, for me. It was something that I couldn't do, and wouldn't, do.

So, instead of verbalising it, I wrote it down.

STEP ONE: WRITE YOUR PROBLEMS DOWN

I can't remember what year it was, but my mother and I decided to try and keep journals. I'm not sure if it was meant to be for the rest of our lives or for six months, but since the age of 12 (???) I have been keeping journals. They weren't necessarily meant to be some sort of outlet for my troubles and fears, just a mere project, but they turned into that. I wrote about my day, story plans, other people's secrets, my issues, what I ate that day and more, in those journals. Till this very day, I keep journals. It came to a point, where I couldn't have all of my fears and issues and insecurities floating around and screaming at me in my mind, and if they were going to stay with me and torment me, it had to at least be in an orderly fashion. So, I wrote everything down, and identified what was bothering me. I identified all of the things that made me cry, and hate myself.

For me, it was more physical things, but as I grew it became things that were part of my personality. However, at first, it was:

• Hair type

• Skin (colour)

So these insecurities started when I began secondary school, so age 11 and they pretty much carried on, until age 14 - 15. I would say 15, actually. Yes, 15. So for around 4/5 years, I had been feeling hatred for myself. Yes, I know that a lot of people feel this way for longer, but everyone has challenges, and the length of time they battle them for shouldn't count to how much those challenges count.

So hair type. This started when I became aware of the natural hair movement, which was probably just before my twelfth birthday. I became aware of how to take care of my hair, and I was on all of these natural hair websites. Basically, the problem was, was that I didn't see anybody with 4c/4b hair. I saw type three naturals, but no type 4b/4c. It was dreadful. It pretty much came to a point, that I was willing to cause heat damage to all of my hair, to achieve that "loose wave." Why? I never saw my hair shown in good light. It was nowhere to be seen. Nobody I knew, knew how to take care of it, I had no friends who had hair like me either. I was desperate to fit in.

Good thing I didn't though.

Before I got to that point of damaging my hair, I found the channel, urbanbushbabes. It was literally a miracle. It saved my hair, and my self esteem of my hair. One of the women, is called Cipriana, and she has the most luxurious of 4C hair I has ever seen in my life. She also has a twin, TK Wonder, who also has amazing 4C hair. All I needed was to see her, and I never hated my hair again.

Now, the skin colour wasn't so quick, and that carried on all the way till 14/15. I'm not really sure how, I managed to break from that cycle of hatred for my skin, since there was a point, where I actually went to a shop, to buy Vitamin C tablets, to raise the Glutathione levels in my body to decrease the amount of melanin I produced. I am not sure if that is even correct, but that is what I believed at the time, and I was going to do it. The only thing that stopped me, was the fact that I didn't have enough money, and by the time I did have enough money, I started to break free. I feel, I honestly feel that it was when I saw Lupita, just last year, winning an oscar, was when I actually started to feel comfortable. Luptia, Naomi, Alek, Grace, Kerry, Iman, Grace Jones and many more. I started to really pay attention to the few black women who graced the media. It was hard, since I had had Tumblr since year 8, and I had that kind of "hipster" blog, which basically my dash was completely drowned in pretty pictures of white girls, but no black girl in sight. It didn't help that I had no one, no friends who looked like me either. I honestly love my friends to death, but they could have never comprehended all of the things I was going through, because it was just there for them. They were spoiled for choice, by the type of "white girl," they could identify with in the media. Me? Maybe two? And are they as glorified as the lighter skinned black women? Nope. Not at all. Where is Kelly? Where is Michelle? I think Beyoncé is great, but I don't need, Beyoncé. I need Kelly, because out of the three, that is the closest one I look like. But where is she?

STEP TWO: TAKE PRETTY PHOTOS OF YOURSELF, PRINT THEM OUT AND STICK THEM DOWN

Early last year, 2014, I noticed that I had literally no photos of myself. I never took photos of myself. I never knew how, I never felt comfortable with looking at my face for such a long time. I hated how I looked in mirror selfies ... it was awful. So, as a project, since I got in early into school, I took the occasional selfie. It was quite sporadic at times, but NOW, I take them all the time, AND I keep them, AND I post them and print them out. I have so many photos of myself now, I even have sessions where I take them. You know why? Because I believe that it's healthy. You need to have photos of where you look good, so you can remind yourself of how amazingly attractive you are. Yes, you're single and aren't conventionally attractive but that doesn't mean that you aren't. I also feel, that forcing selfies, aren't good. Look, if you don't feel, good, then it isn't going to show up in the photo. It just makes you feel even worse, because you can't even take a good photo. Well of course you can't. You feel awful, so you're going to look awful. You probably don't look too great when you have the flu and have a bunged up nose, so why would you look good when your mental state is feeling a bit icky too?

STEP THREE: TALK TO SOMEONE

Another thing that I did, was speak to my mother about it. I never talk to friends about my problems. I may do in the future, but at the moment I just won't. I just feel uncomfortable doing it, and to be honest, that's okay. I feel that there is this pressure, that you should share all your things with your friends. Maybe I'm the only one who feels it, maybe I'm not. I don't know, but that is something that I feel, and it shouldn't be that way. I love my friends to death, but that doesn't mean I have to tell them anything. Even my close friends, I don't have to tell them anything. I do feel though, that when you are going through this journey, there should be someone that you talk to. It honestly helped me so much to have someone to talk to and hug and discuss my issues with, since paper doesn't talk back. Writing things down only helps to an extent. All of these things only help to an extent, and it is important that you have multiple things, helping and holding you up, so you don't become too reliant on one medium to help you in your growth of self confidence.

STEP FOUR: KEEP GOING

I think the last thing that I've been doing, is to keep going in life. Keep on studying even if you feel dumb, keep smiling if you feel bad, then go and cry and talk with your outlet at the end of the day. Keep taking photos even if you feel good one day and feel bad the other. Keep slowly forcing yourself to do what you want and being yourself (since I see being yourself, as doing what you want and expressing yourself however you feel - within boundaries and limits of course). KEEP GOING. You have to. Don't look back, just keep on moving. Things will change in the world that will give you a boost, things will happen in the world that will set you back a bit, but just keep going. Keep on living, understand that things will change. If you want to change something about yourself then do it, if you want to accept it as how it is, then do it. Just keep going. 

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Sometimes you need to do something to express yourself. Make some art. Draw, write, sing, dance, solve an algebraic equation. Anything that you use to escape and get out of the world of self hate, before you are ready to deal with your problems is always okay.