A NEW BEGINNING

I haven't posted in a long time, but that's because I've been working, discovering and thinking about next year. My mum is very goal focused and she doesn't believe in resolutions. I can't remember but the distinction is between goals and resolutions but she has one. She also says that it's good to start them at least a month before, so you're in the habit of doing it by the time January comes round. Anyway, I have my goals ready and I thought I'd share them:

1. find out who i am spiritually

2. eat better

3. finish my writing project

4. make five pieces of wearable clothes

i have some others, but they're not definite yet.

I THINK (you can never be too sure with these things) that I've finally cracked the code to getting an A in my English Literature essays. I think. I have a tutor now and she's super helpful. That's very refreshing.

I've also been listening to  LABOR V2 by Jaden Smith and his song Fallen has just come out and it will definitely be on repeat.

Another thing. During my time away, I've been thinking about myself a lot. I feel this is why journals are so helpful and wonderful. Reading back on them, you get to see how much you've grown and changed throughout the years. I've been keeping them since year eight ... I think, I'll need to check, but I'm in my last year of school now, and I write a lot, so that's a lot of growth.

So I've grown a lot, I've also kind of "discovered" something about myself. I don't like the word discover, but it's the only word I can really think of. Okay, so basically, I've been thinking a lot about sexuality and how it needs to be discussed more, and then I started thinking about mine, and I kind of realised that I'm not as straight as I thought I was (I mean, I knew I wasn't but I kind of pushed it aside and thought that they were just passing thoughts and feelings but they weren't). In fact, I'm not straight at all, I'm kind of bisexual. Not even kind of, I am. I'm still kind of figuring it out, but I know for a fact that I am. 

So that's quite a big thing, and I haven't told anyone. My plan, it to let this out (I may delete this, I may not I'm not sure, I may not even post it) and see what the reaction is. If it's good, then I'll tell my friends, if that's good then I'll .... I don't know when I'll tell my family since if anyone knows me, it's not ... well yes, anyway.

Despite the whole at home issue with this new "discovery" or mine, I feel much freer. Like, a lot freer. I feel less guilty now, and I understand why I have all of these feelings. I feel like I've ticked a box on the list of things I need to do to fully accept myself and it feels amazing.

*Note, I may delete this. I don't know.