Okay, so ... okay I'll just dive in head first.
So, I'm British Nigerian and I think that has something to do with it. Like, if your parents came over from the Caribbean or West Africa etc I think it has something to do with it.
Anyway, I grew (am still growing) up in a very Christian home and it, I guess has kind of shaped me a little bit. I do believe in God, energy and stuff like that, but I am so conflicted.
I feel like whenever my parents bring up God and stuff my mind presses play and my internal conflict is triggered and starts again.
I feel like some people are more inclined to be spiritual than others, and I am that type of person. That doesn't necessarily mean you're religious or anything, but you're more likely to believe in stuff like that than other people. But that isn't the point.
The point is, is that there are so many things within Christianity that I don't sit well with me. Example? I have many:
• Okay, so why do we condemn homosexuality?
• Why does the length of someone's skirt, or how they dress determine the quality of someone's relationship with Jesus?
• Modesty?csadaln no um okay eka
• The idea that God knows everything ... so he knows who is going to be eternally damned? Like what? And how come some people get heaven and some don't? like what?
• Why are we punished eternally for a finite sin?
• ALSO, why is it that so many things like murder, incest etc are like ... okay? Like what?
And like so much more ... but, DESPITE THIS, I just can't let go, since whenever I'm in church and some girl sings really well it kind of sends shivers down my spine, or if I listen to Marvin Gaye's God is my friend ... I feel good ... but then, I can't neglect all of those questions up above. And this is really important, because what happens if you have a family, or if you want a long term relationship with someone, even marriage! If you haven't sorted our your beliefs and values, it can end up in being with someone who doesn't agree on your fundamental beliefs and that can screw stuff up so I don't even know.
I've been watching a lot of ShamelessMaya recently, and she talks about her faith a lot, and I think I want to be like her, but at the same time ... QUESTIONS. So, yeah. I don't know. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. This is a mess, since it's like a splurge of my brain, and instead of writing it in my journal (again) I'm writing it here so yeah.
