So this is kind of an impromptu post, and it was inspired by Aida, owner of my new favourite of mine: kidisalright
This post was inspired by her post on "black weirdness" and you can find it here.
So, during school (I'm still in school by the way) I've always felt different? What I mean, is that I am a dark skinned black girl, and I like Nirvana. I began to feel odd and started to become aware of how "different" I was, when I was in Year Seven (so age twelve and thirteen). Firstly, people were shocked when they realised that I liked to read, secondly they were shocked when they found out that I liked to write and was "well spoken," and used "big words."
I have heard of other black people being called an "oreo." I have never experienced that, but I'm sure if the people around me knew about this terminology, they would have called me that. Since, I don't like sport, I am a nerd, I listen to a lot of rock and alternative stuff, and my interests just don't really fit the mould of a stereotypical black girl. I am a weird black girl.
The issue I had was being comfortable with that. For a very, very, VERY, long time I was unable to see anybody in social media or in the mainstream media like me. I see white girls who are into fashion and girly, but I also see white girls who are being shown as very grungy, alternative and punk. I see arty white girls, nerdy white girls, sporty white girls, not sport white girls. These white girls are being given the opportunity to find somebody that they can relate to in some kind of way in the media, but I'm not.
That led me to just thinking that there was something strange and odd about me - and not in a good way. I didn't want people to know that I liked The Pierces or Lana Del Rey.
It took a couple of years, in fact, it was only THIS YEAR, when I finally became comfortable with being "the arty weird black girl." Not fully comfortable, but at least 75% comfortable most days.
It was because of people like:
And many others, that I started to see the normality in my quirkiness.
I think that the main issue that I see that starts this sort of insecurity amongst black kids like myself, is the fact that there is a lack of representation for black people. We can't see ourselves making art and bouncing about to metal in our rooms on TV or in films, so people don't expect us too. And yes, many people would say: "Don't believe what you see. It's just TV. Of course there are exceptions." But how many people actively think that, or have that in the back of their minds when they meet a more punk black person. Or, how many people actively show that they understand that, in the way they respond to black people who don't fit that stereotypical mould? Not many.
What I'm trying to say, is that (from what I've seen and my experiences with the media) being black and not fitting into the mould that has been given to us, is still rocket science to some people. We need more representation in the media, of black kids being stuff other than "trap queens" or whatever. See, I don't even know what that is, or what that means.
Anyway, black people should be allowed to happen to fit into that mould freely and relish in it, but black people should also be able to feel comfortable and feel normal about being interested in cinematography and Mac Demarco too.
kgjdfhgjdf! Thanks for the shoutout! and this is great! It's great that you've become more comfortable with expressing yourself as someone who doesn't sit neatly instead an arbitrary set of 'rules'. I love that you mentioned Mars from Art Hoe Collective. I think this is why the work that they do, and diversity and representation is so important because if there were more non white people being shown to embrace a variety of cultural influences, there wouldn't be so many non-white teenagers and young adults feeling so out of place. It's a type of existential crisis and can be so painful. Great post! <3
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This Kid Is Alright
it's alright you really inspired me to write this!! it has taken such a long time but it's amazing when you become at least a bit comfortable with yourself. oh i love mars they're so amazing and i agree their work is so important because it allows poc to not feel so uncomfortable with themselves and shows them that they are perfectly normal in who they are. thank you so much aida :)
DeleteI've literally never resonated with a post SO much, like, yes yes yes. I've always felt like an outsider amongst my black community because of the way I dressed, how "white" I spoke (w/ever that means), how all my friends are white, the music I listened to, etc etc etc. Getting commended for not being like the rest of "them", quickly became internalized and the self-hate and anti-blackness was literally seeping out of my pores. Although I am much more comfortable with who I am now then when I was 14, those girls you linked, and many others, were/are so instrumental in helping unlearn that anti-blackness. Representation 100% matters, which is why social media can be so special, despite what older people try and tell us. On it, we can surround ourselves with so many great influences and there's so much diversity that we don't see in mainstream media. That's how we can we have movements like the 'art hoe collective', which show such a diverse group of creative people that we can identify with! Gahh, I'm rambling, but this post is everything, Melody! X
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Aw that's so awesome!! I'm so happy and glad that you felt this way about my post! It was inspired by Aida's (who commented up above) but thank you so much!! It took me SO long, to understand that my interests and how I was, was and is completely fine and it is okay to not fit into that single mould that is placed on us in society. I totally agree when you say representation 100% matters. I'm so happy that I found these wonderful people and awesome bloggers like YOU and Aida and Zoe and many more are just so awesome to help with the lack of representation! Making our art diverse for ourselves and other people. Yeah, I'm so glad that you liked my post! Thank you so much :)
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